July 14, 2008: Breast Cancer - the beginnings of the journey.
OK. Now that it's been two weeks since diagnosis I can calmly tell you that I was diagnosed with breast cancer on July 1 (obviousy after writing the previous blog). It was a shock finding the lump a week before, and even more shocking to hear the actual words coming out of the doctor's mouth. Information was coming quickly. "Excuse me," said as my head was spinning, "Can you repeat that bit of information. I missed that last sentence." It was difficult to grasp that I actually got the big C illness. Fortunately, It was caught early and I see me being very healthy again soon.

Being someone who likes to share what I learn and experience I had to tell you. I have to tell you about my journey, because I'm learning so much. Through the following weeks I'd like to share some remarkable discoveries about what I'm learning and hope it lights your journey a bit, too.

I thought I'd made it clear to the universe that I didn't want to learn through suffering anymore. However, I'm learning that the body has challenges that it needs to deal with, and we, as beings in bodies, must go along for the ride. Not all of us are going to have the opportunity to die quietly and healthily in our sleep. Some live with illness their whole life and as remarkable humans deal with it.

Here are a few things I'm working on/with:
• It's OK to cry, but I don't want to suffer. I'm learning that suffering requires a past and future. Something can hurt in the present, but suffering requires either longing for the past or fearing the future. Staying in present time seems to be the best cure for seeing clearly and making the correct decisions.
• We all know that stress causes adrenaline to flood our system. I'm learning in a new way what that feels like. Having a life threatening illness is stressful and I'm wired with adrenaline. I'm seeing how much stress harms us. It feels like my atoms are vibrating at rocket speed, and this can't be good for the body.
• The body is a remarkable being (more of this to come in my newsletter).
• Eating well and exercising – taking care of our body – does not always prevent serious illness. The body has its own agenda, history, genes . . . However, living healthfully seriously helps recovery and how we feel while we're going through it.
• Meditation practices are really helpful here. Meditation helps me to stop and breathe and sometimes even to sleep. I'm glad I practiced this beforehand.

I will be writing a new newsletter today that will come out tomorrow. It will include things I've learned about the body, mind, spirit connection. If you'd like to learn more about my situation/condition, you can go to www.caringbridge.com/visit/deborahhill. Stay tuned.

July 1, 2008: Some we get along with and others we let go on their way.
Recently, a member of my family wrote me an email and stated that she felt we were very different and our energies didn't "mesh." She said that after family affairs were no longer necessary she did not want me in her life. This hit me like a crushing blow and landed in my heart with a thud. I watched myself objectively – from a place of neutrality – as the emotional bomb hit and sank in. I expected tears and remorse to follow. But, interestingly there were none.

After all, I'd tried so hard to get along with her. I forgave insults and purposely praised her. I did my best to support her. I'd struggled to be close to her throughout my entire life. I told her I loved her. I invited her to do things with me. Yet, all of my efforts seemed to be met with indifference, a cold shoulder, a subtle disdain and occasionally blatant, direct, ballistic anger. And now this. A final statement of "I don't want you in my life."

I watched the understanding of what she'd said sink in and felt the impact. I took a breath then felt . . . relief. Yes, relief. To my surprise my heart flew away – away from her. I was free. I didn't have to try anymore. I could now let her go. I then realized how much of me I'd wasted over the years. How much energy and time had I invested in this dead end relationship? Family or not, it wasn't working. What seemed to be a devastating blow was an unshackling. She'd given me a gift of freedom.

How often do I give my energy and time to those who give little back, or even worse, throw it away? How many others would have benefited from my love and friendship over the years, while I continually gave it to people who never wanted it. What a waste of me.

Sometimes the seemingly worst insults are our most precious gifts. The rejection of another is a clear sign that we need to go elsewhere. And, isn't it nice that we got the sign so we don't have to waste any more time moving in that direction. After all, there are so many people that we all connect with – who need us and rejoice that we're a part of their lives. My sincerest apologies to those I've ignored while trying to please those who didn't want me. I vow to be there wholeheartedly for you now.

 

June 25, 2008: Intuitive Awareness and Life's Synchronicities
Though it happens continually, I am still amazed at how events line up so I can do what I need to do. For example, a few days ago as I was running near our home. I live in Atlanta and we are experiencing a drought right now. We haven’t been able to water our yards in over a year, and we’re all being very water conscious. As I was running down a quiet side street I saw that a fire hydrant had been hit by a vehicle and water was pouring out of it.

I was running and didn’t have my cell phone with me. But, I needed a phone to call to notify someone about the hydrant. Conveniently at that moment a guy in a Volkswagon drove by. I flagged him down and told him about the hydrant and asked him to call 911. He did and I continued to run for several miles.

When I returned via a different street 30 minutes later I passed a fire truck slowly driving along. I knew they were looking for the broken hydrant. I was in the right place at the right time to flag them down and was able to tell them where the broken hydrant was.

I continued to run and a mile or so later I again saw the man in the Volkswagon stopped at a stop sign on a different street. I was able to tell him that the fire truck had responded to his call and he’d saved us a lot of water.

Each day of my life is filled with small stories about how honoring my intuition helps me to be guided throughout my life.

June 16, 2008: Coaching Epiphany While Pruning
I love gardening and do a lot of it in our home in Greensboro. As I worked on the flower bed in my front yard I noticed my neighbor’s river birch was badly in need of pruning. Being a perfectionist tree lover (and a good neighbor) I began to happily prune away.

Halfway through the project I thought about the fact that in some ways I knew more about how the tree would grow more effectively than it did. But the birch had a great deal of evolutionary training behind it. Was I being presumptive? No, I knew that trimming the dead limbs would give it more energy and space. Removing branches that would not grow well because of placement would allow it to focus on growing in other areas. How did I know more about the tree than it did? Education, experience and perspective.

It then occurred to me how this observation is a perfect analogy for how coaching and counseling helps others. I have two coaches now and they give me tremendous insight and guidance. They aren’t me and can’t do what I do. But, they have what I need to help me to grow better, and my business is flourishing because of them. I’ve learned how important the insight of a coach is and I am very grateful that I offer this coaching or “pruning” service to people, as well as trees. We gain so much when we work together and allow ourself to take in another’s perspective, knowledge and experience.

May 6, 2008: Every Job Is Important
I had a dream a couple months ago. I was vacuuming the floor of the world. I had this huge wet vac/vacuum cleaner contraption and I was hard at work. Sometimes I I seem to do more work in my sleep than when I’m awake. Rest easy everyone, I'm cleaning up for you in my dreams (whether you need it or not).

I often write and speak about how important it is that we value who we are and not judge ourselves by what we do. I truly believe and understand this. I live by it and know I’m perfect just sitting here. Today I also thought about what we all do. We often think that one job is more significant than others. But, it occurred to me that every job - every task - is absolutely significant. In fact, everything we do effects everything around us.

So, I’m sitting in my car at a stop light (a typical occurrence in Atlanta) this morning. It’s taken me 10 minutes to travel 1/2 mile because someone decided to put a stop light in a place where it’s more of an obstruction than a help (as I see it, anyway). Now it takes me and others 10 more minutes to travel down a road because someone decided to put this light in. Hundreds of people sit at this light daily. Sitting there I began this conversation in my head with an imaginary person who put this light in. I emphatically told him about this light and that he had to fix this situation. In my head he said, “What difference does it make? My job is insignificant. All I do is adjust the traffic lights. What difference would my adjusting one light make?”

“Huge,” I said. “Hundreds of people pass by here everyday. Parents now have to leave home 10 minutes earlier and may have less time with their kids. One kid could have an important question that doesn’t get answered and this could affect his entire life. Another person may have an injury and decide to drive to the hospital down the street. The delay could cause blood loss that could cause loss of function, or even . . . .”

I got a bit carried away and went on and on. But one thing became very clear to me: Every job is important. We may think we’re insignificant, but each one of us has an effect on a myriad of people. One guy adjusts on light and it affects hundreds of people, and potentially thousands of people related to the hundreds. We don’t need me to vacuum the world. We’re all working together, whether we believe it or not. What we may need is more appreciation of who we are and how much we all matter.

April 11, 2008: Dealing With "Demonic"
A client of mine asked a very important question today, and I thought I'd share my answer with you:

Question: I've been afraid lately, and wanted to discuss this with you. I've always believed that demonic spirits exist. Whether this is true or not I don't know. However, I worry that with all this work I'm doing to try to be more intuitive and "connect to spirit", that I'm opening myself up to negative stuff possibly.

Answer: The work that you're doing is not creating demonic energy or bringing it to you. You are becoming more aware and may be more sensitive to it, as well as aware of all of the wonderful energy around. It's good to know what's happening around you, and best to be aware of danger so you can avoid it.

There are negative beings both on and off the planet. I try to stay away from both genres. The way I keep "demonic beings" away is to admit that they're out there and to not be afraid of them. I know that I cannot be hurt if I'm in my body, aware and not afraid.

So, how to not be afraid. Here's how I handle it:
First, I reaffirm my knowledge that the negative beings can't hurt me if I'm not afraid. I have seniority in my space.
Second, face them and stand up to them. Recognize their right to exist, but not in my space. (respect everyone and everything).
Third, send out a force field of love from my heart. Yes, love them. Send love, love, love vibrations out into my aura and the world. The vibration of love is very unpleasant to unpleasant beings and they will leave when they feel it.

If all else fails, I call on the spirit of Archangel Michael. He's great at defending us from negative forces.

Remember, you're never faced with a situation you can't handle. The object is to be strong and learn from all of your experiences. Be in your power and you will rule in your space.

April 4, 2008: Musing on Meditation

February 21, 2008: Becoming Happy
As we know, happy is not something that’s inherent with certain circumstances. You can hang out in the best environment, with fascinating people, perfect weather . . . and still feel lousy. Happiness can’t be earned and it isn’t created externally. It’s an energy that we choose to embody or not.

Lately I've been exploring the state of being unhappy and realized that “unhappiness” is a term that’s overused. The truth is we often allow ourselves to become drained of energy – all energy – and we call this “unhappy.” This down feeling can also be un-love, un-grace, un-power . . . un-energized. We can fill this void with happiness, if we like. We can also fill up with love, grace, power, or any positive vibration, and experience the feeling of fullness and happiness.

Meditation is a powerful tool for filling up with happiness – or just filling up. Begin by sitting quietly and paying attention to the state of your energy level. If your energetic fuel tank is low state your intent to fill it up. You may ask yourself where and when you're getting drained. You can then visualize plugging this hole in your life.Decide that you will be filled with light.

Stay tuned to my next newsletter for a powerful technique to bring in happy energy into your life.

February 11, 2008: Relating Through Difficult Times
My husband and I noticed we occasionally try to fix each other instead of expressing our own needs. I know we're not alone in this. We both want each other to be playing his or her "A" game – being a happy, loving, positive, effective, communicative . . . self. We say we like each other that way because it's good for the other person. Oh sure, we each want the other to be happy. Honestly, we ask each other to change because we like each other better that way. It's more fun when he's loving and funny. I'm more fun when I'm happy and playful. So we try to change each other. It goes something like this:

I don't like it when he gets "in his head." I want him to be more in his heart. So I ask him to. This doesn't work. The head guy tells me he is in his heart. Of course he does. Head guy always says that.

Or, I express how I feel and do this by recounting exactly what happened. He says I'm blaming him and I need to speak differently to him. This makes me feel unheard, and well, you probably know the normal progression from there. This time we tried another approach (after a bit of a er, um, discussion).

We learned and we grew. We decided we will now accept the other person for better or worse. That doesn't mean we have to stay in the same room. And if we need to be treated differently we will tell the other person how we want to be treated; not ask the other person to change. Well, that's the plan. No matter what, remembering our love for each other is the key. It will certainly make for a Happy Valentines Day . . . Which I heartfully wish for all of you.

Those of you who I've coached or taught have yet another example of why we try to fix others and why it doesn't work. "Projection roses" are also great tools to use when you want to express your own needs.

January 27, 2008: Leadership
Few people like to make waves, yet it’s the waves that create change. In fact, most of us don’t like to be around when change is being made. Most of us fear and dislike confrontation. We’d rather live in a stable environment, whether or not the situation is pleasant.

It isn’t easy to stand up and speak out. We have to take responsibility for the process and the results. Often there’s a feeling of resistance that has to be faced and moved against. All waves are created by someone or something brushing up against some resistance, and it takes strength to do this. Most of the time the change is for the better. But, the person making the change has to be determined and strong enough to step out from the norm of complacency.

Leaders are change agents. They are the people who step up and speak out. They do things to promote change. Some people fight them, others follow.

January 17, 2008: We're All Prophets
I gave a speech the other night, the content of which "flew in the face of the beliefs" of some of my fellow Toastmasters. I was told that my ideas needed further examples to verify them, and there may be truth to this. However, one person suggested that I back up my ideas with quotes from famous and "important" people, so that they carry more weight.

This suggestion got me thinking. How much do we miss in life if we're putting the "famous and important" people above the ones in front of us? We are all wise in our own worlds. We all have superb understandings unique to our situations and experience. Are these understandings worthless or false unless backed up by those who are recognized by our culture?

In truth, many of the greatest prophets – ones we quote from often – were not recognized in their own time. Even Jesus had a small following compared to the number of people alive at the time. So, don't discount the wisdom of the person standing in front of you, no matter how strange the musings might seem. These musings may be the pillars of truth that uphold future generations. Open your mind and you might learn something new and profound.

January 8, 2008: Creating Your Life
It's "fulfill your resolutions" time. While goals are very useful, it's also important to honor the spaces between them.

We’re used to creating lists of "important" things to do and filling in the blank spaces between the lines with stuff such as laundry, errands, going to the bank, etc. We believe that the things to do on the list are all-important while other stuff is just a waste of time. What if all of life is stuff and we simply place more importance on some of it than we do on others? What if all that’s required is our mere presence in deference to our most aware self and being ready in the moment? What if creating and moving through life is a matter of the following six steps?

1. Dream.
2. Set your intentions that the dream will become real.
3. Find your center and just BE in the moment.
4. Act according to your intentions when you feel the need or are called upon.
5. Look back at the end of the day or week, and see how you’ve progressed toward your goal, and reevaluate your intentions.
6. Continue.
   

Most of us feel restless when we follow the preceding steps. We’re so accustomed to projecting a part of us ahead of ourselves that we feel discomfort in the present. We identify with our actions and accomplishments; therefore, we feel insignificant when we’re not checking things off of our lists. There is often an underlying belief or opinion that we’re not enough just being here and that we don’t deserve to just be. But, being is why we're here; bringing our being to here is the greatest gift we have to offer.

December 23, 2007: The Path To Fulfillment
What matters most about what a person does is that it feeds his heart and soul (and doesn’t harm others) – that he's doing what he loves. A real estate agent, who loves her work, is feeding her soul more than if she quit to do something traditionally considered “holy” or “spiritual.” Something is “spiritual” if it feeds the spirit. Each spirit needs different food. When you find what you love to do and do it, you become fulfilled. Your fulfillment soon overflows and your light shines. Others who need the light will gather around you. If not, it doesn't matter. A light that shines is fulfilled on its own. A star that is light years from others and not seen is no less bright, and no less valuable than one that is seen.

The key to finding your path is to find what you love; discovering what fulfills you and doing that. You may be a priest or you may become a hair stylist. If you are doing what is right for you, you will feed everyone around you with your glowing energy, and most likely your deeds.

To read more about this, go to www.yourintuitivelife.com/products.php and scroll to download the article "Being the Light."

December 7, 2007: Compromising Ourselves By Compensating
The other day I watched a coach teaching a young girl how to bat. One after another he placed balls onto a stand and had her hit them into a net. He gave her instruction and then did it again. She was pretty good, but had a tendency to hit to the right. She was standing correctly, but I thought, "If she moves just a step to her right, she'd get behind the ball and hit it correctly." Then it occurred to me that she wouldn't be hitting correctly. She'd be hitting the ball where it needed to go, but her stance would be off and she'd be compensating for a bad form. Instead the coach showed her how to reach further around the ball so that she'd hit it correctly.

This observation caused me to think, "How often do we compensate for errors in ourselves, our surroundings, or lives instead of correcting the error?" My father used to preach ad infinitum, "If you're going to do it, do it right." I hated hearing that. So often I wanted to cheat. And, sometimes I still do, but it never works.

For example, it was easy to put a wooden match into the hole in my door jam and replace the screw. I didn't want to go downstairs and get the wood putty, let it dry, then do it later. I compensated. Of course, it never really worked quite right, and 6 months later the screw was loose and I had to do the whole task again.

It was easier at the time to not make a fuss about the fungus growing in my townhouse grass. I didn't want to take the time or look like a complainer. I could justify my position by saying," I pay Association dues and I'd rather not have to get involved with this." Now most of the grass has disappear and the Association is going to have to have it dug up and reside. Maybe I would have seemed like a complainer, or not. In any case, through compensatory negligence the fungus destroyed the lawn.

It's tempting to compensate on personal growth issues, as well. I was upset with something my husband had done last week. I didn't want to discuss it with him, because I thought he would get angry. I was tempted to leave the house and spend the day by myself, rather than face the situation. I realized that I would be cheating myself and my husband, and depriving us of time together. So, I told him in the best way I could about my feelings. And using our communication skills (which we've painstakingly worked on) we were able to work through the issue. We also came to a stronger mutual understanding of not only the issue, but of each other.

So, there you have it Dad, we did it right. And, you were right. Thanks.

November 22, 2007: Getting It All Done, One Block At A Time
Today I was again reminded that situations often look worse than they are, and all that needs to be done is take one step at a time.

I am a Sudoku player. If you're not familiar, it's a number game, similar in look to a crossword puzzle. I began it because I read that doing these types of games or puzzles help to keep your brain in tact. I'm not sure it's working. If it is, it's scary to think of what I'd forget if I wasn't playing the game. But meanwhile, I have become a bit of a Sudoku addict.

I now have several books going. One's by the bed, a couple are in the bathroom . . . Some of the puzzles are extremely difficult and others are very easy. I fluctuate between them, doing the easy ones when I'm . . . Well, feeling lazy.

Today I was working on an "extreme" puzzle. There were no easy solutions. I had to pencil several numeric possibilities into each square and hated that. It looked like there were too many possibilities and the puzzle would take me forever to solve. I began to come up with several excuses for not doing the puzzle: "It's not fun anymore. I don't have to do this. I want to play at an easy one." Or, " It may be unsolvable - one of the rare puzzles that got put into the book by mistake." I wanted to take the easy way out and move on. But, I'm relentless in some ways (OK, most ways) and I plodded on putting numbers in squares.

A couple minutes into it and I found one. A number became obvious which helped me to eliminate others, fill in others and move on. What looked like a puzzle that would take me forever or was even unsolvable was then finished in 10 minutes. What fun it was to finish such a difficult looking task so easily. How surprising that what seemed an daunting task was just minutes from being complete.

I laughed at my reluctance to continue on when things got rough or seemed too much. How often does this happen in life? I have what seems like "too much work" on my desk and stress out because I think it will take forever to get done. Or worse, I'm afraid I'll fail. Sometimes problems seem overwhelming and unsolvable. But, they aren't.

Negative anticipation is overrated. When we stress over the challenges in front of us we throw our energy away on illusion. The key is to just take one small step - fill in one square at a time - and the answers begin to appear. The solution unravels in front of us. It's impossible to see how a situation will be handled in the future because we aren't there yet. As we act, the future unfolds, we learn, we deal with it.

October 26, 2007: Prayers and Grace
Welcome to my daily musings column. My intention with this blog is to share with you the insights I've gained daily in my intuitive coaching practice and life.

Today I awaken with a prayer of thanks in my heart for the safety of my family in San Diego. It's difficult to imagine, even with all of the CNN visuals, the impact their experience with this fire has had. I am so very impressed with the images from the streets. Qualcom Stadium had childcare set up, yoga classes and counseling. People were calm and helpful. My husband, Dave, overheard a radio announcer a few days ago. He was referring to the fact that people were evacuating to the stadium and inferred that mayhem would break loose there. It didn't. Quite the contrary. The people there have banded together supporting each other. In fact, the word in San Diego is to not send more relief goods to Qualcom Stadium. They have enough!

We are all subject to stress in our lives. These stresses are an opportunity for growth. I can't imagine the kind of stress that these people are going through, but the evidence I've seen is that many people there are taking these events in stride, learning, growing and moving on.

I will continue to send prayers for the healing and safety of those in San Diego. I find that prayer is one of the most effective techniques to promote change. Prayer for me involves going into a deep state of connection with the highest spirit that I refer to as God (both male and female) and communicating at that level. I try to keep the prayer clear, giving specific details about what I'd like to see happen. For example, when my sister and brother-in-law evacuated their home I asked that their home be protected. I visualized a light of gold surrounding their house as a protective shield. I also requested angelic support to keep the home safe.

I will also continue to be so very grateful for all that I have and the experiences and support I've been given. I will continue to express my thanks for my family, friends, associates, home, the bird that sings out my window . . . My body, my health and every breath.

 

Copyright Deborah Hill, 2007 and 2008.

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